I was young when I decided to be an actor. I was driven and ambitious. I wanted nothing more than to be on a stage and transform myself. That desire grew into a career that has left me proud and amazed.

I have had the luxury of going to an amazing school and working with great teachers. I was even luckier to be cast in my 1st Broadway show before I had graduated. I never took for granted the fact that fortune was smiling down on me. I always worked harder to compensate for my string of good luck. I  was always hungry for the next thing. I was never satisfied with my performance or the opinions of others. I have always been left wanting until this past fall.

I split with my 2nd husband of 6 years. I was alone again. I was crushed. And in true Olivo-fashion, I threw myself into my next job. I knew it would be my last for sometime.  As I re-arranged my life to move back to NYC for a short stint I sensed a conclusion coming. I knew as I was packing my box of dressing room things that I wasn’t likely to use them again. I had one more thing to do, my best work.

The rehearsal process was a blur of anxiety and fury. A small motley crew of actors and writers tried to make sense of a very personal story. And with support and courage we put up a small, down and dirty show that would prove to be my biggest challenge.

I use to say something to my friends in rehearsal that sums up everything now. At the time I used it to explain why I shouldn’t belt ridiculously high notes while trying to do a hip-hop move that represented a basketball dunk.

“Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.”

My abilities have always been bigger than my desire to share them. That sounds egotistical but if you know me, truly, you know I am anything but.

My desire to share my experience, my heart,  and my pain became a need. Every evening I would call our show “going into battle”.  My cast-mates would laugh or sometimes agree depending on their level of fatigue or illness. However, I meant it. I was at war with myself. I was going out every night and trying to run my well of emotion dry. It’s hard to be yourself in front of paying customers. Actors don’t do that. That is the opposite of what they are hired for. Yet nightly, I dared myself to show the darkness that I have lived with for 36 years. It was moving to others but most importantly it was informative to me. I started remembering things about my childhood and why I started acting. I learned why I was good at what I did. It was my last lesson before I would leave it all behind.

It puzzles me now as I think back on all of my life’s lessons. If I wrote them down it would have been obvious to me what I was destined to do. It took a good look at what I was capable of to see that what I was giving away for the price of a ticket was a fraction of me. I have ignored my desires for some time. I have climbed the ladder because someone said I should, because I owed my talent, my teachers,…myself. All the while I wanted to be on the ground, because I was afraid of heights. (which is completely true.)

“Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.”
And with this knowledge I start a new chapter. I leave behind the actor and I start learning how to be me.

I want to erase this wave of self-doubt and the feeling of failure that lingers in it’s wake.

I feel leveled. And I feel lacking.

However, this moment is necessary so the light that is in the distance can blind me with happiness.

What’s the universal draw?

Nature is an obvious answer but in a desert town one would discount the sand and sun as a huge mind opening experience.

The real answer is it’s the silence.

I chose to go to a place that was not a trendy hiking spot. No starlets, dogs or families at the spot I found. I am not even sure it was a public area. I used a combo of my iPhone GPS and my Prius’ sometimes shotty GPS. I drove up winding roads and through tiny tucked away neighborhoods until both my devices were satisfied. A rickety chained gate was the entry way.  As I began my long awaited hike I felt anxious. The idea that I was leaving a populated place and no one knew where I was going, even myself, gave me a momentary pang of adventure. That soon developed into an amazement of how difficult it was to move in the mid-day heat. Without any foliage to protect me, I was in a staring competition with the sun. Every few steps meant 7 drops of sweat rolling into my eyes. Every swipe of my brow reminded me of how heavy my backpack was and how I had not brought nearly enough water and too much other needless baggage. Visions of a scruffy James Franco popped into my mind and then quickly fled. (I had not seen 127 hours and had not wished too, but remembered the screen shots from the trailer).

I was constantly posed with choices of directions in which to scale this steep hairy sand dune. I would see a moderately open path with a few sprigs of crab grass to the left and then there would be a devious inclining path to the right with what looked like rocks that were boiling in the glare of the sun. I would choose the right. Perhaps it was my NYC training to stay to the right when on a  path but it wasn’t likely that I would meet a women negotiating a stroller anytime soon.  No one would be passing me.

I would make the decision to take the right and more challenging path 3 more times on my hike. And every time I did so I would openly admonish myself.

“Karen, this is dumb!”

” What are you doing?!”

” Don’t break anything.”

I spoke openly. I couldn’t hear anything other than the wind blowing sand across rocks and my lead shuffling feet and heavy wheezing. (I am an asthmatic).

Then I would come upon a clearing near the top of a winding path and I would stop. I would stop because I would  hear someone shuffling behind me. I even called out once. Nothing. Then I started to worry that the heat was getting to my head and perhaps a hat would have been a smart addition to my outfit. (I made so many rookie mistakes). I would stop and listen and then shake my head, sweat shaking into my eyes.

“I am going crazy”,  I would think.

An hour into the hike and 3 devilish choices to the right I came to the top. The top of my chosen mountain. I realized that the other lesser left paths would have lead me into a canyon filled with shrubs and trees. I could see all of that from my vantage point now. I was at the utmost top of my chosen place. Further into the distance I saw another mountain and toyed with the idea of meeting it. However with my water drops from gone and my legs trembling with fatigue I thought I would save it for another day. That would take planning, a walking stick, better shoes, a hat, sunscreen, perhaps a friend…so I turned my attention to the area that I had come from.

The city was so far and the neighborhood that I had entered from had disappeared. Downtown LA was now a cluster of small grey shapes in what seemed like an endless horizon. And that’s when it struck me. The silence. The clearness of my breathing in a sound scape of nothing. Little ole me in a vast area miles above my current dilemmas, simply trying to stay hydrated and alive.

I get this kind of hiking. I understand the need to extract yourself from your plugged-in self-absorption and battle the elements. I get it.

I marvel on the view I have from my Burbank window. The mountains that I wake-up to are exquisite and majestic. And they would still be so even if I had not ventured out to find them. However now, when I see them cascading in the distance, I see a place I have been to and I am reminded of the mountains behind those that I am preparing to meet.

I remember the failures far too often and forget the feats of sheer will. I remember being so scared, like now. I remember being in over my head and the only way out , was to go through it.

I needed to be reminded that I am made of some pretty strong stuff. And if I made it before when so much was against me, I can beat this.

So, next week in NYC, I plan on remembering that I am alive and love many people who return the sentiment.

Normally, I am not a hugger (much like Harry Korn), but on this trip don’t be surprised if I tackle you in the street.

I haven’t said much on this blog for one reason.

I know that in our advanced technological age this blog can be duplicated everywhere. And I wasn’t ready to be truthful about some stuff.

What I can say now is this…the above picture was taken 10 months ago before I left for my LA adventure. I was packing for an unknown amount of time. The room, the luggage, most of those things in that picture are all gone now. In 10 months a lot of what I knew to be has changed. I am so unsure of most things these days and this picture, filled with things that are gone sums up my current state.

I think this up-heavel is needed for growth. I think that although I am uncertain and scared about me, my feelings, my future, and my over-all purpose, I am growing.

I will not allow my uncertainty to be my downfall. Anything is possible in an uncertain state…right?

This master-class will consist of two 2 1/2 hour sessions (an 8-13 year-old group at 12pm and an 14 year old/adult session at 4p.m.).
Karen will lead 5 students through a rigorous and in-depth personal session in front an observing audience. The price for the 5 student slots will be $100. Those 5 students will get a taped session and packet of industry information to take home with them, along with personal pointers from Karen as she helps them hone their audition skills. The observing group is unlimited and will be a charge of $50. They will be privy to the entire process and will be able to benefit from other students personal sessions. Karen will hold a 30min. Q&A at the end of each session solely for the observing group. At that time she will answer any specific questions the observing group has.

The proceeds of this master-class will benefit the new Rick Olivo Studios and a scholarship offered by The Life Share Organization focusing on Art therapy for Heartland Children. Heartland for Kids – is an area agency for children in Lakeland. This scholarship will enable children to attend art therapy classes at Rick Olivo Studios.

For more information on The Life Share Organization, go to http://www.lifeshareinc.org/

A BRIEF MESSAGE FROM KAREN OLIVO

“The purpose of this master-class is to walk 5 students through an audition for TV/Film. I will be tailoring each session to their specific needs, working with their strengths and weaknesses. While customizing their sessions I will also be giving general tips on auditioning with confidence. The observing group will be present for each session and will watch the actors work with me. At the end of the session I will open the floor to the observing group for a question and answer session.”

**The observing group is perfect for actors who are having confidence issues or are beginners in the field. They will get the opportunity of learning how to spot their bad habits and tricks to making each audition count, by watching me work with other actors.”
Karen Olivo is currently playing hot-shot lawyer, “Cassie Reynolds” on NBC’s Harry’s Law, starring Kathy Bates. Karen has been seen on CBS’s The Good Wife as “Giada Cabrini” as well as numerous featured roles on CSI: Suspect Behavior (opposite Forrest Whittaker), Law and Order: SVU, Law and Order: Criminal Intent, CHASE, and CONVICTION. Karen Olivo is the 2009 Tony Award Winner for Best Supporting Actress in a Musical for her portrayal of “Anita” in the 2009 Revival of West Side Story directed by Arthur Laurents. She originated the role of ‘Vanessa” in IN THE HEIGHTS, which won the 2008 Tony Award for Best New Musical. She recently was honored by being asked to perform at The White House for President Obama’s tribute to American Musical Theater. This past year she joined Lorna Luft and New York Pops conductor Steve Reineke to re-create Judy Garland’s famed 1961 concert at Carnegie Hall. Karen attended the Cincinnati Conservatory of Music and has been a working New York actor for over 15 years.

I am giving the WSS shoes to a friend to auction them off for charity.  (the pair I broke my foot in).

The other 4 pairs are up for grabs, but let’s make this interesting…

go to my tumblr page (www.fuckyeahkarenolivo.tumblr.com) to state why you need them. And follow me on twitter to get updates on other items I am giving away.

post a picture, make a video, be creative… the best 4 posts will get my show shoes.

CONTEST ENDS MONDAY FEB. 26TH at 8a.m.

I am sitting on my couch, next to a really great guy, watching the Knicks kill the Lakers. I am watching this Jeremy Lin kid. He was the 4th string point guard, undrafted, still living on a couch…and I am inspired. He is performing like an All-Star!

I heard him speak at the half. He spoke of his team-mates and how he needs to work harder for them.

I think that is the key.

Discard your ego, work your hardest, and opportunity will find YOU!